The internet must gaze upon these waffles that I burnt while I was distracted by the internet. I set off three smoke alarms, my father’s dog is still whimpering under the couch, and two concerned neighbors came over:

“Are you okay? We saw smoke coming out of the windows and —”
“Just making breakfast.”
“We were going to call the fire department. Do you need any help?”
“Everything’s under control.”

(For the record, I was reading this.)